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What should you do if you are loving someone with depression? Do you even need to date them? Both of those questions don’t have an obvious solution.

Many would contend that there is no way to “manage” who you fall in love with because dating and romantic relationships are so intensely personal. It could be helpful to be conscious of your challenges if you do find yourself in a relationship with someone who is struggling with depression.

Should you continue loving someone with depression?

Depression may have an impact on someone’s disposition, actions, and interpersonal relationships. Lack of interest and desire in activities that a person once enjoyed is another sign of depression. You could experience this and it might be challenging to maintain a fulfilling romantic connection (but not impossible).


With the right precautions, you can have a good relationship with a person who is suffering from a mental illness. Don’t disregard any of the “red flags” that may appear. Regardless of the presence or absence of a mental disease, violence or abuse in any form should not be condoned. Your safety is crucial and should come first.

Of course, it may not seem like a choice to be in a relationship with someone who is struggling with depression. You can be in a relationship without being aware that your spouse suffers from depression. Or, depression could develop after you’ve already started dating and come as a surprise to you.

However, knowing the signs of depression & spotting them can help you prepare for the situation and offer support. Even when your spouse is dealing with depression, you can encourage connection and intimacy with them by learning and using new relational skills.

Recognizing depression in your partner

It’s a good idea to identify the signs of depression to take the best possible care of your relationship and yourself. Regardless of how close you are, this can be difficult. Especially if you’re still in the getting-to-know-you stage of a relationship.

It could be difficult to determine if the person you’re seeing has changed or is going through a depressive episode as you may not have the benefit of time and experience that a long-term relationship provides. Finding signs of depression can need a keen eye in newer relationships or in couples where one partner is still trying to impress the other or hide what they perceive as shortcomings.

So how do you spot depression on a potential date? Below are a few typical signs that could appear at any time. They may start slowly or develop swiftly.

  • sad and guilty emotions
  • emotional swings that could include sobbing, anger, or indifference
  • self-criticism or negative self-talk

Keep in mind that every person experiences depression differently. There are various varieties of depression, some of which can be harder to identify the symptoms.

Think about getting as much information as you can on the type of depression your partner suffers and its signs. Having a better understanding of your relationship can enable you to support them more effectively.

Tips for loving someone with depression

Loving someone with depression means being aware of their particular challenges & doing your best to be there for them. However, if you’ve never dealt with depression, this can be challenging. Being able to interact with someone depressed can be challenging since they frequently exhibit profound depression toward both themselves and the outside world. They could also appear agitated or irritated. In addition, depression can result in bodily symptoms including exhaustion, headaches, and digestive problems, all of which can be difficult for the depressed person to handle.

When you care about someone who suffers from depression, you want to do all in your power to help them. Meeting your partner’s demands without sacrificing your own, though, can be challenging. So how can one love a depressed person? Here are some suggestions to help you love both yourself and your partner.

Learn about depression as much as you can

Being a thoughtful partner means having a thorough understanding of the complexity of depression. Read online materials written by professionals and speak to people who have been in similar relationships if you are loving someone with depression to learn more about the condition. Hence, you can better comprehend what your partner is going through.

Keep in mind that grief or bereavement is not the same as depression. It’s common to feel depressed in difficult life circumstances like the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the loss of a job, but people eventually get over these emotions.

Also, remember that depression can have a variety of reasons. Hence, avoid assuming what is depressing your partner. Your spouse is likely to admit to having depression at some point in the relationship. Be understanding and impartial. Encourage them to express their emotions, but be mindful of their boundaries.

Never blame your partner & yourself

You shouldn’t blame the person you’re dating if they have depression. And, you shouldn’t blame yourself. You might frequently question whether you said or did something to annoy your partner and trigger his/her anxiety. If you think this might be the case, you can take a self-assessment test for anxiety.

Don’t forget that you are not to blame for your partner’s melancholy. Their mood disorders are caused by a range of external circumstances. You shouldn’t feel bad about your partner’s behavior or take responsibility for it by acting in a certain way.

Make an attempt to treat yourself kindly

Helping someone with depression requires compassion. Nevertheless, as the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” You must cultivate compassion both for yourself and for your spouse. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Recognize that there are some issues you cannot overcome, and depression is one of them.

Create mutually beneficial borders

Relationships that have clear, mutually beneficial boundaries are more satisfying. Whether one member in the relationship has depression or not, this is true. It’s crucial to establish healthy boundaries.

That guarantees the emotional and physical needs of both partners in a relationship are addressed. Bear in mind that expecting and demanding that your wants be met does not make you selfish. It all comes down to self-love and the significance of attending to our individual needs. If you’re loving someone with depression, this is much more true.

Of course, well-stated boundaries are useless if they aren’t upheld. Therefore, you must decide in advance how a boundary will be handled. After that, you must adhere to the penalties you have set. You might, for instance, have a rule against shouting at one another. Let’s assume you make it clear that if your spouse can’t maintain composure, you’ll leave. You can respond with something like,

We have spoken about not yelling. Right now, you seem to be rather irate, so I’m leaving for a little bit. After you have calmed down and feel better, we may speak later.

Recognize things will be better

People with depression tend to believe they will never feel well again. When your partner is feeling very dismal, it’s simple to fall into this rhetoric, but it is not the truth. Most individuals who experience depression do eventually recover. The National Institutes of Health report that 80% of depressed individuals who seek assistance report feeling better after 4-6 weeks. Never lose faith that better days are ahead; your partner will find encouragement in your optimism.

Don’t offer advice

While encouraging your depressed spouse to seek depression may be helpful, try to refrain from offering any advice. As medical professionals should be the ones to do so. For example, you can invite your partner to go for a walk, but accept their refusal without showing disappointment or condemnation.

Seeing a loved one suffer is awful. Your natural tendency is to “fix” things to make them right. What do you do then? You joke around. You advise seeing a humorous film. You advise seeing a TED talk about depression. But kindness and love won’t be able to cure depression. There isn’t a quick fix for depression that will make it go away.

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This doesn’t imply you cannot help your partner in any way. Think about what aspects of your relationship can benefit from more open communication. Find out what they require to feel supported and appreciated. Learn the reasons behind her/his depression and discuss coping mechanisms. Remember that every depressed person is different, so what works for one person might not work for another.

Talk openly

When speaking with someone who is depressed, you could feel as if you are stepping carefully. Effective communication is essential to the success of your relationship. Honesty is always the best course of action. Because concealing your actual sentiments and worries from your partner will only lead to conflict between you.

When speaking to your spouse, always be kind, considerate, and honest about how you are feeling. Since you’re all in this together, it’s essential to learn to acknowledge and address each other’s worries if you want your relationship to last.

Relationships are difficult, and caring for a depressed man or woman can be even more difficult. However, developing self-love is always essential for a happy relationship. And neglecting your needs won’t serve either of you.

Work on your sex life

A person’s sexual desire & capacity for enjoying sex can be impacted by both depression and the drugs used to treat it. You should be ready to put more effort into your sexual life if you’re loving someone with depression. You might experience times when you feel angry or unloved. For instance, a man with depression could feel ashamed to discuss erectile difficulties brought on by depression meds. Talk frankly about your feelings and exercise empathy and understanding.

Take part in your partner’s healing

There is always a way out of depression, but it requires a tremendous amount of effort. It’s okay if you don’t always have the energy to fight alongside them. Human connection is one of the few things that has such power. And everything you can do to foster it will help restore what depression takes away.

Depression can be treated. People can improve with the aid of therapy, drugs, and lifestyle modifications. Professional therapists are prepared to assist patients in controlling the symptoms of depression. Encourage the person you’re dating to seek treatment if they suffer from depression. Remember that the best thing you can do for your spouse is to encourage them, respect their limits, and acknowledge the effort they’re making to heal.

Obtain assistance from others

A partner who is battling depression might not be as emotionally capable of helping you as they normally would. Friendships outside of a romantic relationship are especially important when your partner has depression since everyone needs social support.

Reliable friends and family can listen to you and assist if you are trying to control your emotions due to repressing your feelings. Their kindness and validation can help you with some of your requirements and improve your well-being.

If you don’t feel comfortable disclosing your partner’s mental health information to anybody you know, support groups can be a helpful alternative. It may be worthwhile to speak with a therapist on your own as well. It’s not always simple for loving someone with depression. Therefore, it never hurts to improve your coping mechanisms and try out new communication techniques.

Helpful Quotes for Loving someone with depression

Depression is not a choice

If they could, those who experience depression would be happy. People with depression may feel as though they have been spooned out. Every wonderful feeling is being taken over. The feelings of despair, emptiness, and loneliness never go away. They would be acting differently if they knew how.

Depression is a withdrawal, but not from you

When a loved one suffers from depression, it may seem as though you’ve been separated from them for some time. The person you’ve known and loved your entire life is still present, but they have turned inside, away from the suffering and despair of it all, not away from you. Simply put, it feels like the safest place to be, but if they knew how to do it, they would have you right there with them.

When nothing is as powerful as something

People who are depressed may not always know how to express themselves and may feel burdened by having to be around you when they are unsure of what to do or say. Let them know that you adore the part of them that lacks a voice or has plenty to say but is unwilling to speak it. Even if they choose not to speak with you, let them know that you are there for them. When you’re worn out, silence with someone can be soothing.

You don’t need to change who you are; just be who you are. You don’t need to act differently or pretend to be joyful. I’m here for you because I adore you.


Lawrenz, L. (2021, September 24). Loving Someone with Depression I Psych Central. Psych Central. Retrieved November 8, 2023, from https://psychcentral.com/depression/supporting-someone-you-love-with-depression#donts

Lee, I. (2021, November 17). What to Do When You Loving Someone with Depression. NAMI. Retrieved November 8, 2023, from https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/November-2021/What-to-Do-When-You-Love-Someone-with-Depression

Litner, J. (2020, November 20). What to Know About Loving Someone with Depression. Healthline. Retrieved November 8, 2023, from https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/dating-someone-with-depression#find-your-own-support

Smith, E. (n.d.). How to Loving Someone with Depression: Sometimes It Ain’t Easy. HealthyPlace. Retrieved November 8, 2023, from https://www.healthyplace.com/depression/relationships/how-to-love-someone-with-depression-sometimes-it-aint-easy

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